31 1 / 2012

(Image from Hello Giggles)

So it was inevitable that I would find an excuse to write about Lana Del Rey, because everyone else seems to be doing it. I’ve abstained thus far because I didn’t want to have to admit something sort of embarrassing. I’ve had Born To Die stuck in my head since I first watched the lilting, dreamy, and obnoxiously cliche video two weeks ago. And I don’t really mind. There must be something wrong with me. I can’t help but genuinely enjoy the peaceful progression of minor chords.

Phew. Now that we got that out of the way, I can get down to what I really want to say. When she pleads the song’s miscellaneous gangly male subject to “come and take a walk on the wild side”, I can’t hold back the facepalm. Really, Lana/Lizzy/Whatserface? Your priveleged, 98-pound internet tycoon heiress ass is wild. You’re the “gangster Nancy Sinatra.” Sorry, baby, but wearing Ferrari track jackets and rolling around on the hood of a car doesn’t make you hoodrat. Each time she infers her bad girl status in the chorus of video games, I imagine her plopped into the middle of the Bad Girl’s Club season six. Honey girl’s bones would be picked dry and used for kindling.

 Lana’s whole act is such a farce that I can’t even pretend to take her seriously. The whole mise en scene is so contrived I want to vomit. So it’s no surprise that I found this article on Hello Giggles this morning(which I read for entertainment, thank you very much) entitled “Things I Would Ask Lana Del Rey Over Cocktails.” The author Meghan O’Keefe keeps with the bouncy, generally uncritical ideology of the blog by directing the questions to fun, girly, flattering things like hair, sweaters, and Disney Princesses. Just a sampling:

  • "In ‘Blue Jeans‘ you say to a guy, “But you fit me better/than my favorite sweater”. I like that line. Probably because I like sweaters, too! What does your favorite sweater look like? Mine is an evergreen cashmere one with zippers by the collar that I couldn’t actually afford, but that I bought anyway from J. Crew. Do you like J. Crew secretly?
  • How do you make your hair so pretty?
  • What’s your favorite Disney movie? Mine’s Beauty and the Beast. No. It’s The Little Mermaid. No. Wait. It’s Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken. Can we get another round?
  • Do you like badgers?
  • Are we friends yet?”

Blech. Sort of surprised that they didn’t manage to tackle cupcakes and puppies. But still, Zooey Deschanel’s little sunny journalist mercenary gets points for recognizing that LDR is totally into J Crew. And without a doubt, probably had a pretty long Abercrombie phase in high school. But, with all honesty, who didn’t? So no fault there.

This doesn’t change the fact that Hello Giggles writers have proven themselves to have girl crushes on the wrong people. Suffice it to say, this conversation would be awesome to overhear and would most likely result in a “Shit Twee Girls Say” video.

-Things I Would Ask Lana Del Rey Over Cocktails [Hello Giggles]