30 4 / 2013
Click here to find out why the crazy Real Housewives products are sort of brilliant…
30 4 / 2013
The ridiculous Real Housewives products are sort of awesome sauce. Here’s why…
29 11 / 2012
This Sunday’s Lifetime Movie Stars Mira Sorvino as an Emancipated Mrs. Claus in Las Vegas
Feeling neglected by her cold, unfeeling workaholic of a husband—Santa(played by MadTV’s Will Sasso)— Mrs Claus steals away to sin city to help reunite a little girl’s estranged parents. Thankfully though, she gets to have a bit o’ real person fun while she’s there. In the trailer, we see her playing craps and stumbling around drunk. Good for her! It’s the holidays and she deserves to treat herself.
As Claus, Sorvino is outfitted with facial prosthetics, abdominal padding and all to look like Christmas’ most neglected housewife. In order to blend in, she invokes the tools of Christmas magic to disguise herself as a young hot thang in a bodycon dress. A makeover scene will probably be involved, nay a montage. Fergie’s Glamorous will be the musical accompaniment.
Speaking of montages, we’ll most likely have the pleasure of watching her sightsee and do things like mistake the Luxor pyramid for one of the real pyramids of Giza. And she’ll definitely take in a show. Possibly Celine Dion. More likely The Blue Man Group.
Whether or not these predictions of mine come true, this flick is sure to get you in the Christmas spirit of spending money and drinking too much; and oh yeah, true love! Cause Santa and Mrs. Claus will inevitably reunite and renew their vows in a drive-thru chapel. I know I’ll be watching the fish-out-of-water shenanigans and cliches roll out. My life, my time. Also looking forward to the sequel where Santa’s identity gets stolen.
Watch the trailer here, and get excited to blaspheme some imaginary figures you believed in as a child!
Finding Mrs. Claus premieres on Sunday December 2nd, at 9/8 C.
29 11 / 2012
Vanderpump Rules Looks Awful, But I'll Still Be Watching
Although Beverly Hills cast member Lisa Vanderpump is the namesake of the new Bravo show, the series ostensibly has very little to do with her. The focal point is the hot sexy staff of Vanderpump’s restaurant SUR and their hot sexy interbreeding and social dalliances. Oh, and the name is an abbreviation, meaning Sexy Unique Restaurant. Which is PERFECT, because the type of employee it attracts clearly speaks in abbrevs. You know, normal words have too many letters to remember.
The gals are doe-eyed, waifish, and tan, the dudes are gym rats with shorn chests, and everyone sleeps with each other. At SUR, they take shots, party, go skinny dipping, make out, put on cabarets, and dance. They go “wooo!” alot. They curse each other out. One of the dudes tells a girl “You’re a disease in this place.” We can’t help but wonder if he may be speaking literally and this restaurant ends up developing its own strain of Chlamydia. Now there’s a plot twist! Whining, infighting, and that signature Bravo self-obsession and exhibitionism are plentiful. What seems to be missing from the show is the part where they seat people and take orders. Like, do their jobs.
So It’s like the cast of The Hills with the tempers of The Bad Girl’s Club, but there are dudes, and everyone is forced into the same space regularly under the guise of “working” together. But the thing that may make it watchable is the fact that there is someone to yell at all of them and let them know how not special and poorly behaved they are. Enter the honorable judge Vanderpump and her no-bullshit attitude delivered in that British accent that gives every reprimand that much more bite. At one of the staff meetings, she yells out over her roost of horny chicklets, “I’m glad this is playtime to you, because it’s not playtime to me.” They hang their heads in shame, like puppies who have dirtied the floor. Likely, she will make someone cry. Instead of just shouting insults at the screen like the people will hear them, she will hopefully do some of that work for us. Albeit, in a largely permissive manner, and in a fashion that Bravo intended to be “motherly.” In either case, I will be curled up on my couch watching the premiere, relishing in the hate-watch joy. My new years resolution to get rid of trash TV can wait til 2014.
Vanderpump Rules premieres on Monday, January 7, 2013 at 9:00 ET
26 11 / 2012
“I really like vintage film. Like really old stuff. From like the 1990s.”
18 11 / 2012
Today in hate-watching is the extended ad for Lady Gaga’s “Fame.” Is the 45 second televised version not enough surrealist skillfuckery for you? Spend 5 minutes of your life watching Gaga ink all over her dancers and undulate her PVC-clad body to atonal screeching and chanting. You’ll be glad you did. And, the perfume smells like daquiri mix! Yum. PS, there are 3 and a half minutes of credits. Ya know, lots of little monsters to thank.
11 9 / 2012
Thom Browne S/S 2013
Browne is a master satirist and showman, and didn’t disappoint with this presentation. From the hairpieces (topknot going grey, black, and eventually white) to the Wicked Witch-reminiscent stockings, to the shoes, to the styling, Browne kept it kooky and playful. With vignettes of the Madame Alexander doll, Russian ballet, and a teaspoon of The Wizard of Oz, Browne twists the arm of rational dress with his Spring 2013 collection.
Offering up his signature English aristocracy/menswear-inspired looks at the beginning of the collection— a tailored jackets with oversized shoulders, pressed shirts, cross-hatched pencil skirts, all in conservative greys, blacks and whites— Browne went down the rabbit hole from there. We move from there into pastel-colored, whale-printed suits, playfully mismatched with tartan shirts and striped sweater vests, tiered dresses with pop-up panels and amoeba-shaped appliques, even cage crinolines. All done with Browne’s fanciful curve and surrealist flourish. His rendition of the season’s cutout trend is an mind-boggling work of Baroque seahorse cutouts. The presentation’s final look is a testament to his prowess as an architect of the body— a strapless floor length halter dress with a curved, wavy hem like something out of Disney’s Fantasia. One can safely say that you wouldn’t feel out of place in a museum in one of Browne’s looks, because in any one of these pieces, you become a work of art.
All images from Style.com
22 6 / 2012
In Cool Tropical Prints, You Can be a Beach Bum Anywhere, Anytime
This heat might make you thirsty for Pina Coladas and Strawberry Daquiris around the clock, but we don’t want you to show up to work drunk on summer coolers. We’re not all lucky enough to be Jimmy Buffett, after all… The next best thing is to dress like you’re in Margaritaville. The answer? Tropical prints all day everyday.
Whether it’s a sleek pair of hibiscus-printed cigarette pants, a totem-pole top, or a palm-adorned day dress, Island prints transport you out of your workaday environment to a ’60s beach bunny flick. Versace and Mary Katrantzou got us thinking about luxurious tropical surf with oceanic prints in their Spring 2012 collections, complete with mermaids, starfish, minnows, and coral reefs. From there, Zara, ASOS, and Topshop gave us screen-printed symmetrical tropical printed separates and dresses and textiles best-suited for a vintage Tiki bar. Just throw on one of these cool island ensembles, add a Hibiscus flower to your hair, and the Beach Boys will magically appear to serenade your life.
-Versace S/S 2012; image from Style.com
-Mary Katrantzou S/S 2012; image from Style.com
-Palm Tree Print Dress; image from Zara
-Printed Trousers; image from Zara
-Palm Mirage Top; image from ASOS
-Summer Halter; image from ASOS
-Jamaica Cupped Sun Dress; image from TOPSHOP
-Tropical Running Shorts; image from TOPSHOP
